I really thought all I would want to do in Finland would be to tell you all back home about how wonderful my last day was, how much I loved India and how sad I was to leave.
And I do. But honestly I just can’t. I never thought it was possible to have so much emotion inside of me and now words to explain it. As most people know, it isn’t really like me to not have something say! I’ve cried a lot the last 24 hours. I’ve cried tears of joy for the amazing experience that I have had. I’ve cried tears of told sadness when I had to say goodbye to my kids. I’ve cried tears of pride. Pride in my kids for how far they have come and pride in myself for how far I’ve come. I’ve cried tears of guilt for leaving my kids. I’ve cried tears of relief to be coming home. And I know I will cry again the second I get off the plane and see my mom for the first time in two months.
I tried really hard to write this great post to sum up my trip but it just isn’t coming. I worked out for the first time in a long time as soon as I checked into my hotel. After I took almost an hour long shower and finally felt clean for the first time since June. I thought this would be a great feeling but instead I just felt guilty. The henna on my feet made me feel like a proper Indian but now that the bottom of my feet are white again and no longer caked with dust I feel like I washed a little more of India away.
I also was really excited to show everyone pictures. But I haven’t looked through the pictures from my last day and just can’t bare to look now and shed more tears.
So now that I’ve spent a solid amount of time making up excuses for a really lame post, I’m going to curl up in bed and watch some Olympics for the first time. Promise a final update and lots and lots of pictures once I’m back in the great state of Ohio in just a little over a day!
So I go to work on Wednesday like normal already anxious at how little time I have left with my kids. The day starts out normal. Games in the morning, cup of chai, lots of “m is for mango”, “j is for jaclyn” (anyone else who helps them with english in the future is going to be a little confused by this one!) & “c is for cup”. Then the coordinator (my saving grace who speaks english) explained that we were celebrating Rahki Day today. Well Rahki Day had been explained to me but I was told it was Thursday. She said yeah, but there isn’t school tomorrow so we celebrate today. She saw the look of horror on my face and said she wasn’t sure if the center was open or not (like I think I’ve talked about she just started about three weeks ago) but she’d call to find out for me. The afternoon was amazing with celebration. Rahki is a holiday that celebrates the bonds of brothers and sisters. It comes from a Hindu tradition and now continues with sisters visiting the house of their brother and tying a string (traditionally red and orange) around their wrist to show their love. The brother then gives the sister a small present (I’ll be waiting for mine when I get home Jonathan and Logan!) and promises to protect her. All the girls tied bracelets around the boys wrist, the boys gave the girls chocolates and then we danced. A lot. You all probably know how horrible of a dancer I am and mixing my white girl moves with Indian music lead to some pretty great laughs from the kids. Anyway it was such a great afternoon until as I left and told a little boy I’d see him tomorrow the teacher told me “not tomorrow, holiday, no center!” Needless to say I was pretty upset that my two days left was cut down to one.
All the other volunteers also didn’t have work so we decided we would do a little last minute shopping and go see a bollywood movie. It was so great. I really wish I could break out into song and dance at certain moments so below are a few great songs I would include in my Indian life if they decided to make a Bollywood movie about a tall, awkward white girl.
Love is a Verb- John Mayer
This song will forever remind me of India. I’ve listened to the new John Mayer album almost every night falling asleep and this song is one of my favorites. Being here and having the language barrier really has shown me that love is a verb. I can’t always communicate the love I have for my kids, but I can show them. They can’t always explain things well to me, but they show me all the time how much they love me. I don’t think this kind of love is exactly what my pal John was discussing in his song but that’s totally besides the point.
When you show me love,
I don’t need your words
Yeah love ain’t a thing
Love is a verb
Run for Your Life- The Fray
So every morning and every afternoon I fight my way on to the lovely 419 Delhi Metro Bus. We joke here that I could write a novel about my experiences on the bus. I’ve been pushed, harassed, hung out the door for a few feet, my butts been grabbed, I’ve grabbed someone’s arm as they try and stick their hand into my purse (sorry for these details Mom). Literally every day is an adventure. Well Tuesday I left the market I worked in as it started pouring rain. Just as I turned the corner I see the bus. I literally did run for my life as I made my Olympic worthy 100 yard dash to catch the bus. Don’t worry, my gold medal came in the form of about 20 Indian men clapping for me as I jumped onto the bus as it pulled away. Never again will I laugh at someone running through campus to catch the CABs bus.
Desi Beat from the movie "Bodyguard"
Thanks to my kids, I now know a full choreographed dance to this song. Don’t worry I’ll bust a move for all of you when I get home.
Strong Enough- Matthew West
I India has taught me anything, it’s taught me that I am indeed not strong enough without God. So many things here have been hard and the poverty and unfairness of the world has been the hardest. I’m still far from okay with it in my heart or my head and it’s been really hard to trust in God and not turn my back on Him while seeing this. It’s hard for me to imagine that my God would let this happen. I still haven’t gotten through it all. I still am deeply troubled by it and honestly probably will be for the rest of my life. But I know for a fact it was God’s plan to spend these two months here and I hope it’s God’s plan for me to come back someday and continue the work that I have started.
I could probably go on for years but I’ll stop here. This will probably be my last post from India (I still haven’t accepted it yet, therefore I am not talking about it yet) but will make sure to get a post-trip entry in during my lovely 24 hour layover back in the great country of Finland. For the last time from India: peace and love always, can’t wait to see everyone in just a few days!! xoxo
